Every morning when I wakeup I do two laps.
I pull out my phone and swipe, swipe, swipe:
It’s like a reflex that I can’t help from happening.
I think to myself,
“wow everyone online is so happy today.” My brain then repeats this subconsciously every time I check my phone (which if you’re like me is on average 150 times a day).
When I shower, I daydream about where I can go in my life or career. Something about showers gives people optimism. And of course I have the correct shower routine.
I get out and I’m freezing and the magic is gone and I think,
“It’s ok, you can do all that tomorrow.” My brain then repeats this subconsciously every time I push something that should be done today, to tomorrow.
I try to write at least once a day, usually in the mornings after reading and sometimes tea.
But after hitting ship, I always subconsciously think:
“maybe people will like me now,” My brain then repeats this when I interact with my community on and offline.
Every night when I get in bed I end up thinking about the past. This isn’t useful for obvious reasons, but reflex puts my thoughts there.
In the minutes between being awake and asleep my mind starts to go,
“I wonder if it could have been different” on repeat until I transition to sleep and wakeup to do my two laps.
As you repeat an action or thought it becomes easier, and you get faster to arriving at that option. But fastest and easiest don’t always prove to be best. It’s just more comfortable, like choosing to follow a worn down path in the woods.
These thought-reflexes aren’t permanent, they’re just pervasive.
Listen closely, you can hear them back there. While you go about your day, they’re humming softly in the scenery.
This is the sound of settling.